Retreat

I have dreams I want to share,
Not with all, for they don’t care;
But with one, I fear whose stare,
It’s my God, who’s always there.

I wish to share with Him, who believes in me,
He does I know, which is why I am here;
He loves me endlessly despite all my wrongs,
He accepts as I am, without a frown.
With Him alone I wish to stay,
Laugh, talk, share and play;
Just two of us, in a world of our own,
I have decided to be a recluse, to stay with Him alone;
This world, this life, gets on me at times,
I am not made for this world and no one here’s mine.
Deluge of sensitivity and emotions engulf my mind,
There’s no one who understands me, no one of my kind.
I am in this world of constant commotion and imbalance,
I don’t feel like talking to this world, but remain in silence;
They mock, they jibe, they gloat and criticize,
For they’ve nothing more to offer, as they’ve a vacuum inside.
I too participated in this world incomplete,
Fought, lied, smacked, criticized,
Cursed, swore, groused and abhorred.
But now I wish to abandon this world, yes I wish to retreat.

Forgive and Forget

We have heard this phrase ‘n’ number of times in our lives. But what exactly is meant by this? Let's take a simple example; A insults B for a minor fault in front of 10 people, this hurts B and they stop interacting. B is extremely hurt and gets frustrated with time, as he is unable to forget the incident and it is spoiling his mental and physical state. B desires to come out of it, but is unable to do so.

People say forgive and forget. True! Sounds simple, but isn’t easy. It takes efforts to calm the mind and explain that whatever happened, although was unpleasant, is past and dead. In fact, even a minute passed by is gone and dead, then how could something that is dead and non-existing hurt us? We don’t want to be hurt or rake over those unpleasant memories and spoil our mood. We wish to stay happy all the time but there’s something that keeps disturbing us. The incident is DONE, GONE and DEAD! We know this, then why is it still disturbing us? Well, it is our mind that dwells over the incident which drives us crazy.

Forgive and forget means a “state of mind” when the incident that has happened doesn’t hurt us anymore, even if we happen to remember it sometime. We may say that we have forgiven a person but sometimes we find it difficult to forget the incident. We don’t forget the incident as such, as the mind has the ability of storing it and it merely adds up to our memory. The true meaning of forgiving and forgetting is to get detached with the incident and not get hurt by remembering it.

This state of mind may be achieved only by explaining to ourselves that we don’t have control over certain things in life, for example, acts of God, other’s opinion, other’s actions, and the like. But, we do have control over certain other things in life, our opinion, our state of mind, our actions etc. Therefore, even when someone shouts at us for something not done, improperly done or for whatever reason, shouting and screaming is his action based on his/her own perception, we don’t have control over his temper, but by choosing to stay calm at that moment we choose to stay calm in future too. You may be assertive when you talk but need not be aggressive, is the Mantra!

Marriage - whose decision should it be?

A lot of events are happening around me these days, with my friends, and that has incited me to write this new post.

Marriage means sharing your life with your "life partner". Who should be your life partner or say, the person you want to spend rest of your life with...should'nt it be your decision alone? Now, if you find that someone in your life and wish to be with him/her for the rest of your life...why can't that happen smoothly?

Well! i am talking about the role played by parents in their children's marriages. If you have found a partner for your life and tell your parents about it, why can't they simply accede to it and stay happy (unless there's something seriously wrong with your choice). It's ultimately the girl and the guy who have to stay together forever and not the parents so why do they intervene so much. Not that they are not welcome to contribute to our one in a lifetime's decision (marriage)....but definately not with unnecessary or illogical reasonings...for example, you like someone and want to marry that someone but your parents compel you do drop the idea just because that guy/girl is not from your caste or religion, no matter how wonderful that person is at heart (why isn't that given importance to??); or suppose you are a girl and find a guy of your age (say 24-25 years old) but your parents complain that he is not drawing a handsome salary or is not at a very high position, in short, does not meet their expectations ... ignoring the fact that he's too young to be at that position and is capable enough to reach there provided you give him some time...Oh!! but how is that possible...the moment girl turns 25-26 in our society..she is too old for marriage and must get married immediately or else 'she'll miss the bus' and obviously that guy does'nt have much choice except for cursing his parents for not planning his birth three years early. or if you are a guy and find a girl of your choice, your parents don't agree because your mom is too possessive about you and fears that your wife might become priority in your life and out of such insecurity parents try their level best to ensure that you refrain from getting married to her and marry a girl of their choice; or your mom and dad are too conservative to allow their daughter-in-law to work and so you get sandwitched between your beloved and your parents..as she wants to work whereas your parents want someone who would sit at home, give company to her mom-in-law, produce kids for them and live life according to them....and if you try to oppose them, they blackmail you with all possible non-sensical drama ....that they'll die or that you will be dead for them if you marry that girl or guy or how could you be so selfish and bla bla bla...why do they become so irrational at times...even when they know that their child is not happy with their choice of girl or guy and want to marry someone of his/her choice... very conveniently they choose to ignore their child's tears and pain...Well! are'nt they becoming selfish here??? Why on earth do they put their own child in such a sick position, where he/she has to make a choice between his/her parents and beloved...when they know that their child is attached to them and will get ready to marry a girl/guy of their choice .... how could they ignore their children's happiness and get so harsh on them???

Well, apart from the above there's another ridiculous reason for not permitting their children to get married. Sometimes, i believe, when there's no problem we have to create a problem ... since we are some sick negative fools who can neither live nor let others live happily. Can you imagine a situation where both the parents are ready for their children's choice marriage but the marriage is still not taking place because they get stuck with the venue...ha!
The situation arises when girl's parents and and guys parents stay in two different cities or States....and the isue is who shall come where for the marriage...Girl's parents insist the groom's parents/relatives to come to their city because girl is supposed to leave from her "Babul's house" being an age old cutom... but guy's parents don't agree and insist the girl's side to come to their city and arrange for marriage as they can't be expected to go so far being "Groom's Parents". And in the entire episode it's ultimately the girl and the guy who suffer. And if the girl and guy oppose their parents and decide to simply have a registered marriage...the parents have a problem with that too (what will the society say)....and start blackmailing their children that they'll die if they take that step...and ultimately the marriage is called off...and children marry someone of their parents choice and..... live life unhappily!!!

I wonder, what do parents get from all this???

All i want to say is that once the child has grown in to an adult, why can't parents allow him/her to live their lives as per their wish? Why do they want to have hold over them or dominate them throughout their lives???.... When they know that their children have reached an age where they can think independently and rationally, why can't they accept it???

A humble plea to all the parents is, please stop playing with your child's life...agreed that a child is indebted to you for his life but that doesn't imply that you have a right to dominate your child forever ...give them space in life as every individual needs it....just because children marry someone of their choice does'nt mean that you loose importance in their lives...children always remain attached to their parents...and you'll always be loved and respected by your child provided you learn to accept and respect his/her choices in life.